Imagine that you are invited to a conference meeting with leaders in your field. Most of the seats are taken by the industry leaders, except 2 empty chairs available, and 2 additional chairs sitting on the side of the room. Where would you sit?
photo credit: monster.com
If you chose to walk right to the center of the table, congratulations! You walked into the center of the action, and are half way ready to take on the soon-to-be productive discussion. If you are like me, naturally gravitate towards the sideline, this article is for you.
There are many reasons why we may not want to speak up in public. Some are external factors, but many are internal factors boil down to fear, for example: fear that my opinion doesn’t matter; fear that my opinion may lead to criticism or retribution; fear of rejection.
For those of us that are naturally less conformable to speak up (especially in the workplace), what can we do to break the barrier?
Strategy 1: Fake it till you make it
Harvard Professor Amy Cuddy presented that simply standing in a high-power pose for 2 minutes prior to a meeting will increase your confidence level. The statement is supported by her research result that this position increases testosterone level (the dominance hormone) and lower cortisol level (stress hormone).
photo credit: Power Pose by inmovement.com
Strategy 2: Shake off the fear of rejection
Judith E. Glasser believes that many of women do not want to speak up because of the fear of rejection, the founder and CEO of Benchmark Communications and 7 best-selling book author. So, how should we remove the feeling of being rejected, before you are even being rejected? Expert says that the key is to remain confident. There it goes back to our item #1 above. Aside from building confidence, it is also necessary to reframe your negative thoughts into positive action. What can be the worst thing if no one listens to you when you speak up? On the contrary, your opinion may help many at work.
photo credit: https://amyjoberman.com
Strategy 3: The communal approach
Harvard Kennedy of Management profession Hannah Riley Bowles encourages us to take the two actions:
a. Women must come across being nice – when women take a more instrumental approach (I know I am right, and this is what I think), people react much more negatively. Bowles suggests to take an approach to show concerned about others;
b. “Think I and Talk We” – this is an approach to be used in negotiation, but I also think that is applicable here too. If you need to request something, such as to improve your work conditions, stop using the word “I” and “my”. Change it to “we” should improve “our” conditions. Don’t forget to follow up with a mutually reason that benefits the team / the company. It’s a great way to get your point across.
“Think I, Talk We”
Picture designed by Jahn Henne
Strategy 4: The “Amplification” Approach
This is the strategy used by the Obama Administration female staffers. At the beginning of the first term, the inner circle of the Administration was more male than female, making it difficult for the female staffers to raise their voices. In an effort to make their opinions heard during meetings, the female staffers adopted a meeting strategy called “amplification”: when a female made an important point, the other women would repeat it, giving credit to the original author. This forced men in the room to hear and recognize the points.
Amplification
Under Obama, women are in the room where it happens. Photo: Pete Souza/The White House
These are steps that we can take to break the barriers. I challenge you to take find the right steps for yourself, and start break your barriers, one brick at a time. Please leave your comments here as we would love to hear your strategies.
Your article is infact a real example of speaking up! You have nicely presented the hidden things which are known to everyone but nobody pointed out. You have given some insights / way to come out from the back bench.
I can see the value of it.
Thank you for sharing.
Very interesting to know Obama team uses this strategy. Would be interested to know about real life examples and how it works!
It is so true, I was thinking going to choose the chairs on the side. It rings a bell.
謝謝這篇文章帶給我的深沉思考。關於文章第一段落所提出的選擇題，我忘記了思考跟判斷，下意識地選擇了遠離會議中心的位置，就像是這一切就應該是這樣，是再自然不過的。
這讓我想起我人生的第一堂人體素描課，三十多個大學生分別坐在各自的畫架旁圍成一個圈，圈的中心是個上了年紀的男子，素描老師在學生之間走動著一邊給予指導。當時我從來沒有在人面前獨立作畫過，在老師面前只有一張白紙跟一支素描筆，我感覺赤裸裸的，被扒光了的感覺。而那節課我怎麼都畫不好，我畫的人物出奇的小還配上彎彎曲曲的肢體，最後引起了同學的捧腹大笑。
私下老師給了我一課，他讓我知道，技巧很重要、自信更重要。沒有自信心的人，不敢於表達，畫出來的東西總是弱弱的、小小的。因為內心住著恐懼和害怕被否定的心，所以外在的我們總是表現出退縮的樣子。我的畫裡除了幾個速寫人物，還有著我內心的不自在，不自信跟難為情。心是很難改變的，就像另一篇文章中（The Barriers To Speaking Up）提到的：也許我們還來不及建立自信心，但我們可以試著去假裝自信。
這個話題延伸出來更多的問題跟思考，就像是我會認為自信是站在一個相對的基礎之上的，同等的自信和同等的能力才可以使一個人充分的展現出價值來。
Wow! This is so insightful and touching! The way i was raised has always been “listen carefully” and “work hard quietly”, it’s a virtue to be low profile. I am the product of the clash of cultural differences in terms of demonstrating confidence. It took me almost 3 months to finally launch the website, because it’s not good enough. Yet, reading your feedback made me realize nothing is more important than sharing. Confidence comes from within, but it also comes from us encouraging each other!
also, share with you a little trick i learned from researching the topic of “Confidence”. i have a little yellow book, i called it “the Confident Log”. i list down things that inspire and encourage me, as well as any small steps and accomplishment. It’s making me stand taller each day.